Two different reports

A manager of a multinational IT company hired two graduates from a top management institute. Let’s call them A and B. Now A was a person who had the airs of achievement about him and always looked as impeccable as ever. B on the other-hand was the casual, friendly type – who began to make friends, right from the office-boy to the top guns who shared the occasional elevator ride.

After a long, solid internship, the manager called A and asked him to go to a chicken farm, on the outskirts of the city, and find if any IT work was possible for them. A set out on this very prestigious journey, only to find that his Honda, had to be stopped at-least two kilometers before the venue. Having finished his work, A returned. (Kind of smelly and with traces of feathers)

The next day, the same assignment was given to B.(only to another chicken farm) Now B went in a bus, to get a feel of the ride and returned back with a few chickens, grinning at the experience. (With many anecdotes to share)

Both submitted reports.

A’s report summary:

The chicken farm is chicken feed for an organization like ours. It’s a place where education is neither respected nor sought-after. IT will definitely not have a role to play there.

B’s report summary:

A different experience altogether! Enjoyed the ride, warmth of the people, and the fellowship! Learnt about the simplicity and passion in work! A little IT would definitely help them. And all these chicken farms are inter-related. (Business sense) If we make one project for them, then we can duplicate the same for a thousand others (with minimal customization). They would need a kiosk with a PC and the same can be used in the evening to teach the kids in that area. (Social investment) It will be a challenge to develop VERY user-friendly software, but then that is our challenge. (Creativity) By the way, they have the money (my free chickens go to only prove that). I am ready to do an intense project feasibility study on this wonderful opportunity.

Guess what happened next?

One of them stayed there, while the other left – can you identity who and why?

Creating valuable discussions in the workplace

Ashley Chris J P

A Sharing secret

"It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of person kind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely." (Leo F Buscaglia)

What powerful words of beauty!

When many talk of sharing, we just say "yeah, good", "that's right" but when we are in the forefront of sharing, it seems like we are stuck to a glue of hesitation.

Ever wonder why?

It is called as fear! Oh it does have many other names too.
Fear of not being perfect, fear of rejection, fear of being laughed at, fear of not giving the best, fear of not being very knowledgeable and the list does add on and on.

We fail to realize that when we share, we are giving what is best in us... a teacher of science wouldn't be sharing karate lessons to a student unless karate is his dear hobby. Now it could happen; that the student has learnt more on that specific subject than the teacher - so he may give feedback with some contradictions or maybe provide a better solution. What really happens here is a process of sharing, which is beneficial for both the teacher and the student! Both have learnt new things. (I hope they both are happy too)

Now, in this process of sharing, if at any time, the teacher had felt that the student is acting smart, or being impolite or is not worth teaching or if the student had felt that the teacher is incompetent, or not knowledgeable then the whole process of sharing comes crumbling down and what takes its place is anger and unrest and stress...

So in the whole process of sharing, the participants need to understand that if someone shares an info, opinion, fact or idea - it’s because they believe it is useful. Now you need to acknowledge that and appreciate their desire to share it with you.

So the next time, you meet someone who is sharing something with you,
1. Acknowledge their efforts with thanks
2. Appreciate their desire to give you that "something"
3. Apply it (if appropriate) to any aspect of your life

Sharing my learning
Ashley Chris Vinil J P

The ‘sacrificial’ Benefit

“What benefits does this job offer me?” is the predominant question that is on most of the job-seekers mind. But when one is trained to ‘do well’ in interviews, this question usually takes a backseat. But in cases of senior positions, this does pop out in the final rounds, when the interviewer is clear as to why (s)he need this person. But unfortunately in many cases, the answers to this question are only realized when the person gets a first hand experience when (s)he joins the organization. And believe me, then starts the juggle of survival. 

As a career seeker, though it is vitally important to take into account, the benefits you want or desire in a job, you should also be prepared to accept the sacrifices you can cheerfully make for the job.

Just the other day, I was speaking to a friend (in a good job) who was looking out for a change. Taking the discussion further, we came to understand that she was looking for certain ‘more’ benefits in this change process. So when I quizzed her, about what some of those “benefits’ would demand of her, we came to a plateau of sadness. She was actually doing some real sacrifices (which she hates doing) in this present job and yet was willing to do more of the same in lieu of the desired benefits. Well, she has now decided to take up career coaching, but this is a picture of many high-flying individuals. It is with great sadness that I note that many of the sacrifices had resulted in relationship failures. 

Are benefits really worth the sacrifices? Some of you could argue with me taking long-term progress as the goal. You may say, hardships are part of life and yet to reach success, one has to endure them. If becoming a Vice-President with a 6 figure monthly salary was a 5-year goal, it is well, definitely appreciated - but what about the journey? Some of the sacrifices usually are: time, relationships, health, and maybe ethics. Having reached that step in ladder, if you turn back, would you see all goodness and happiness in your life and in those around you? 

There was a friend of mine, who had good values and many of us really appreciated him for that. But when he discovered the pathway to success, he started slowly forgetting the same values that had stood him in good stead with one and all. He called them as ‘sacrifices’ and said in order to grow, these had to be done. Little did he realize that his very personality and his once precious relationships were on the line! Well, he has indeed discovered a ‘successful’ life, and yes, has quite some friends, but has lost out on values, which his parents lovingly taught. To add to that, his relationship with his parents soured and I know for sure, not a day is lost when they don’t pray for his change. But he is in a position of power and wealth right now.

So what do you choose? God gave us freedom to choose. According to the Bible1, Adam and Eve (the first people) were given freedom to choose. They had a great life living in peace and harmony, but when they saw the ‘benefit’ of knowledge (distinguishing between good and evil) they decided to take certain steps. Some of the steps were, disobedience, breaking of trust, spoiling relationship with God, developing unhealthy relationship with Satan, hiding, holding back, throwing accusations etc. The greatest sadness of this ‘benefit’ that they got was also the ‘curse’ of death. For the very first time, an animal was killed to clothe them. 

So what do you choose? I am not against searching for benefits in a job. Benefits are important but so are sacrifices! So while you do look for benefits in your career steps, do remember the sacrifices you need to make. If you are someone, who believes speaking the truth is important at all times, then it is vital that in your ‘benefit’ climb, you hold on to this beautiful value, God has blessed you with.

Remember you are called for great things. But in doing those great things, do not lose the real greatness that is inside you.

PS: Make a list of benefits and sacrifices carefully before you take up a career.

Count your blessings each day

Ashley J P

The ‘I’ as Peacemaker

The adjective ‘I’ is defined as “used of a single unit or thing; not two or more”.  Don’t we all love the word ‘I’?  It stands for uniqueness.  In the first marriage the first ‘I’ was united with another ‘I’ to live in permanent union as ‘we’.  The single ‘I’ is very important, but then so is the one that joins it.  Centuries of marriage have passed, but the ‘me’ factor seems to reigns supreme in the relationship.

I remember just before my wedding, in the dating days how much in blind love, I was.  Deep and sacrificial love it was my friends.  My would-be Priya became a treasure I longed to make as my own.  I would sacrifice time, money, desire, want and at times, even my own needs so she could be happy.  The focus of my existence was the other “I”   

Then we got married and the selfish ‘I’ submerged beneath the layers of love surfaced and started the war between us.  As we fought over trivial matters, we aimed to make our own singular ‘I’ win.  Soon we were asking ourselves what happened to loving harmony?  The selfish ‘I’ dominance resulted in efforts to change the other.   We underwent tumultuous times, used words slingshot for impact, hurled fire balls of blame, used savage expressions for power, indulged in volatile explosions for control, slunk by pain we presented the past with generalization and so on and so forth.  The Battle of Marriage waged on.  As we interacted with many experienced couples, we were stunned to realize that only a few lived without these ‘no-reason-never-stop’ fights.

Sometimes I took a beating, but many a time I managed to win this battle. But even in the victory, I realized when either one of us won; the ‘we’ lost.  Harmony was the casualty.  Hesitant to change ourselves, we persist in changing someone else.  I remember exchanging the “I” for ‘you’ when I wanted to change, accuse, torment or hurt her.  The progress from the use of “I” to ‘you’ made us powerful antagonists.  

Our conversation often went like this:

‘You don’t understand; you never do!’

‘You need to change the way you do this, before telling me’

‘You never listen!’

Then God evidently displeased with our lifestyle, gave us an opportunity to attend an international Marriage Course in our church (KMC).  The times spent there along with the exercises and change agents put us on a track to lead a meaningful life.

From this course, I learnt that  “I” has always been the reason for all the trouble, whereas it is ‘I’ that needs to be the peacemaker and peacekeeper?  But then how can “I” show me a way to reduce the battles in our life?

I started using ‘I’ while focusing on a problem.  It took me a while to get used to it, but the results amazed both of us!  The use of ‘I’ in our conversation enabled us to control our words and thoughts.  It caused each of us to think enough to present our side of the problem clearly, without attacking the other.  The conversation changed into an invitation to address the other’s feelings.

I said ‘I feel lonely, when you just forget me and watch TV’.  Immediately, the TV is switched off and we are having one swell of a time together, playing scrabble or carrom!

I said ‘I would feel really happy to see you in that outfit when we go out today’ and bingo, she wore it!

She said ‘I feel belittled when you compare me with other girls you know’ and I put a full stop to it.  

She said ‘I feel neglected when you spend your evening with your friends’. That stopped too.

Such is the wonder of ‘I’ in communication.  When used incorrectly, it damages and harms, but when used responsibly, it builds up the relationship and the results will really surprise you!  We have been there and though I cannot say, ‘we don’t quarrel’, we focus on the better half and reminder ourselves of how much we love each other.  The usage of ‘I’ has created a healthy relationship that seeks to build constantly with pure love.

Go on; try it out and May you find it a real blessing in your life.

Ashley Chris Vinil J P

Published in Family Ethos magazine 2008